A first class fruit loop from the former first family. With Hillary off in Rwanda and Bill preoccupied with cigars and BJs, poor Chelsea is starved for attention. She figured she'd be back in her old room at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue by now but we spotted her at Union Square practicing her ballet. Will someone please give her a hug?
Credit where credit is due.
Chelsea Clinton in Union Square?
The Hollywood Roosevelt
We spent the weekend at one of the country's premier donkey barns, Hollywood's finest cesspool at the Roosevelt Hotel. If you wonder where all the strippers in the greater Los Angeles area go for a hot Saturday, we found the answer. Purple poker here sticks it in the front and the back and she's telling everyone.
Frat Boy Fred just did 3 lines of blow off a 17 year old's ass while pumping roids in his ass. He's in LA bitch and don't you forget it.
And than there's this little guy who was cruising around the pool. Seriously dude, with your issues a bit more discretion will go a long way. You may be able to hide the fact that Gollum is your father if you ditch the whitey tighties and get some board shorts.
All and all, a great trip. We'll definitely go back to this treasure chest. Just give it sometime for the rash to clear up, the doctor prescribed some ointment and gave it 3 weeks. Until then, stay classy LA.
Lollapaloozers
Derek: Wanna hit up Lollapalooza today?
Steven: Sure Derek, let me grab my ace bandage, skull cap and Kiss shirt and we'll get going.
Derek: Right on dude, can you grab my bandanna and spider man shirt while you're at it? I'm thinking of debuting the Air Bongos and Broken Robot today.
Steven: Don't forget the LSD!
Derek: Done. Oh man, you really going like that? Tuck your shit in asshole and make sure you wear some socks with those Velcro sandals. What's the matter with you?
(Find: Xtian)
Chaos Brothers?
Swindle's Mark Smith has a secret British brother! As the debate rages over which brother is more punk rock, a couple things are clear: Patrick has the better arm of the two and the better wardrobe.
Sweetheart Stop
5. The cat is compiling better sentences
4. Mike Tyson has a deeper voice
3. His mustache is dripping drool
2. His behavior was so compelling that his future bride felt it was her duty to conduct an impromptu interview and put it on the internet
1. His droopy boobies are on par with the women of the Zulu tribe
Jon Gosselin's Next (dance) Move
What was Jon Gosselin doing while the other 9 was out filing for divorce? Dancing of course. When reached for comment Jon had this to say, “All I ever really wanted to do was dance and the kids have been a constant obstacle. Would Kevin Bacon’s foot ever gotten loose with 8 kids complaining about how they are hungry or how they bumped their head on the stairs? I don’t think so. This is the real reality, it’s about me and my dreams.” Gosselin also confirmed his “people” are in talks for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars.
All 4 One Biggietard Style
Brangelina, Gyllenspoon, TomKat and now Biggietard. Ms. Biggie and her star crossed lover Dr. Tard can be found every single night between the Saloon and Little Club. If you're lucky you'll catch a rendition of All 4 One's classic I Swear.
(Cinematography by Big Ty)
Rare British Salty Moose Spotted
This article got me to thinking, have the Limeys gone crazy? And then I got distracted. Forget the violence, what about the brilliant salty moose gagging herself. Hey honey, new years resolution # 1: keep up the gagging. Just ask this beauty.
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