A first class fruit loop from the former first family. With Hillary off in Rwanda and Bill preoccupied with cigars and BJs, poor Chelsea is starved for attention. She figured she'd be back in her old room at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue by now but we spotted her at Union Square practicing her ballet. Will someone please give her a hug?
Credit where credit is due.
Chelsea Clinton in Union Square?
Lollapaloozers
Derek: Wanna hit up Lollapalooza today?
Steven: Sure Derek, let me grab my ace bandage, skull cap and Kiss shirt and we'll get going.
Derek: Right on dude, can you grab my bandanna and spider man shirt while you're at it? I'm thinking of debuting the Air Bongos and Broken Robot today.
Steven: Don't forget the LSD!
Derek: Done. Oh man, you really going like that? Tuck your shit in asshole and make sure you wear some socks with those Velcro sandals. What's the matter with you?
(Find: Xtian)
Spot The Twat Swat Chunder
Chili Charlie the Chode smoked some smack and danced a darling diddle. People pointed, pulled and pushed for Chili Charlie looked like an ass.
Rapping Granny
The summer trilogy is completed
Does your grandma have moves like this? Didn't think so.
TJ Anyone?
Part 2 of our highly anticipated 3 part summer series.
This piece reminds me of TJ (and boobs). I had a friend, Beegis, who was roofied in a Tijuana hot spot. He woke up in an alley with a Mexican cabbie honking at him with his brights on. Another friend, let's call him Jack Goff, used to frequent a Mexican whore house for shits and giggles. That is, until he went down on Sarah and found out she was a Steven (true story, swear to god).
If only I could install a web cam at Mr. Crowns... our humble site would rival this guy's blog.
Gramps and the Tranny
It's finally here, the world premier of our 3 part summer series.
My grandpa has always had an eye for hot women. As recently as a couple years ago I can remember sitting at his beach house in Santa Monica watching him whistle at spandexed women with huge hooters and grotesquely big muscles blading down to muscle beach in Venice. The diva in him couldn't pass up the spotlight when this hot bitch rolled in. I'm glad his little buddy distracted him from the anguish of watching his $25 investment in ice melt away ("Do know how much they are charging for a bag of ice these days?").
I'm Not the Ki Sig Bicycle, Right?
Every now and again, each of the world's most perfect elements form a special union. Warm weather, daytime boozing, outdoor partying, matching t-shirts, make-outs, and frat boys who wear Oakley sunglasses. It's like a donkeyfied aurora borealis of good times.
I'm happy to report that more and more, these perfect moments are captured for posterity on FlipCams, and distributed to grateful internet fans like me. And you.
Here, we have Laura. She made out with Cal, Matt, Ben, Andrew--but she's not the Ki Sig bicycle, okay? That's another slut. A real one.
Laura is just angelic in her junior league donkeyness. I see her and just know that one day she will be in Murray Hill, holding it down at McSwiggin's O'Surleys. Love her as much as I do?
Oh, and she dances, too.
Pussyfoot Paul
Not only does Port O’Brien make exceptionally good music, they also have a keen eye for donkey hunting. Naturally, we ripped off this gem as it was too good to pass up.
Paul has a day job in the accounts payable department at Initech in Houston. His responsibilities include approving vendor invoices and coding them to the correct expense accounts. He is also planning to plan an overhaul of the accounts payable general ledger to conform with Manager James C. Bossface's likings.
In his free time, Paul the AP Clerk becomes "Pussyfoot Paul", a super hero devoted to bringing new energy to the local dance scene. To date he has patented 3 essential moves, the Electric Elephant Slide, the Prancing Penguin and the Trailer Trash Two-step, all of which are sure bets to make their way into to common Friday night vernacular.
We salute you Pussyfoot!
(Find courtesy of Xtian)
SOOOO METAL
what you need to do is watch this video three times, paying close attention to each of the metal dudes, they all deserve your undivided attention
The Donkey Hunter
Heeeelllloooo mates! The Donkey Hunter had me a bloody wild weekend of donkey tracking. Spring is on the horizon and the boys are cracking fat everywhere, eh?
The most specialest of finds: two naughty shitty pigs getting some back door action on the floor of the saloon. The root rat shitty pig has never been documented outside of me mate Grian Bibson's studies, who first identified, named and classified the species in 2002. From then on he has devoted his life to studying the elusive animal in the wilds of Manhattan.
Not to be out done, a beauty of a doucheopotamus wearing a blue shirt was also captured by me camera. The doucheopotamus is spotted frequently in the states of Arizona and New Jersey but rarely are they seen as far west as California outside of Bakersfield.
Hooroo mates and will be seeing you real soon.
Rocking Rojo Spotted in Vegas
Overheard at the Omaha Nebraska office of Weinstein and Taint CPA LLP...
Steve: Hey Larry, thinking about hitting up Vegas this weekend. You in?
Larry: Dude, so in. I just got a brand new pair of Tevas I've been wanting to test out. Nothing like a wild night on the Aladdin hotel lobby dance floor to break in a pair of Tevas, right?
Steve: Yeah totally. Don't forget your pleaded khaki docker shorts, I hear Vegas is hot this time of year. You might want to wear some socks with those Tevas, they can be pretty rough on the floor if you know what I mean.
Larry: Dude is there any other way?
(Cinematography by Chase)
Dance Dance Dance
The inspiration for Dive Bar Donkey. Keep an eye out for the mating hippos. Stunning.
(Cinematography by McCauley and Berta)
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