Brangelina, Gyllenspoon, TomKat and now Biggietard. Ms. Biggie and her star crossed lover Dr. Tard can be found every single night between the Saloon and Little Club. If you're lucky you'll catch a rendition of All 4 One's classic I Swear.
(Cinematography by Big Ty)
The Dive Bar Donkey mafia reads all fan mail. Time after time we get requests to explore what a dancing douche bag looks like from a seagull's perspective. Odd, yes. But we aim to please. Check out Prancing Peter cooking up a fresh batch of chode butter.
(Cinematography by Maggie, represented by the Twatrock agency)
I was reluctant to attend. I knew it was going to be a bunch of dirts peddling Bob Marley trinkets, timeshares in Cabo and holistic bullshit but I also knew fairs equal great donkey hunting.
I was correct on all fronts, which is nothing new. Next year I suggest they call this little soiree "A bunch of assholes with nothing better to do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon". Thankfully, as I projected, there was plenty of hunting to be done. I landed an absolute gem when we ran into my friend Kai's dad, Jiving Jack. We always knew Kai had a little fucktard in him. Now that we know his dad is a complete fucktard, it all makes sense.
Throw in a VHS copy of Risky Business, talk shit about Tom Cruise and take two shots of Zima every time a chick goes flying by and eats shit. Have a blast.
Hey Asshole -
Next time you down Boone's in the parking lot, think about the time you passed out next to the port-o-potties at the Radiohead show.
Thanks,
DBD
Every now and again, each of the world's most perfect elements form a special union. Warm weather, daytime boozing, outdoor partying, matching t-shirts, make-outs, and frat boys who wear Oakley sunglasses. It's like a donkeyfied aurora borealis of good times.
I'm happy to report that more and more, these perfect moments are captured for posterity on FlipCams, and distributed to grateful internet fans like me. And you.
Here, we have Laura. She made out with Cal, Matt, Ben, Andrew--but she's not the Ki Sig bicycle, okay? That's another slut. A real one.
Laura is just angelic in her junior league donkeyness. I see her and just know that one day she will be in Murray Hill, holding it down at McSwiggin's O'Surleys. Love her as much as I do?
Oh, and she dances, too.
Tommy Cheeseballs introduced the world to the Fucktards roaming the streets of the Jersey Shore.
The Dive Bar Donkey I Team has discovered that Jersey is still swarming with Cheeseball Muscle Men who enjoy taking titty pics. Findings come courtesy of, njguido.com, that's right NJ Guido (enough said). We hope everyone has their closet stocked with product and their summer timeshares booked!
OK so first off: all of the words are in Russian, so it's going to have to be like that movie RAD where you have to make up the words as you go along. This shouldn't be a problem if you are into making stuff up like I am.
Otherwise, don't watch this video if you were up till 6am Sunday morning drinking Midori out of the bottle, which I hear is an extremely secular thing to do, though it wasn't me who was doing it. And if you don't believe me then you can click here. Either way, it wasn't me. Perhaps in some past life I lived as a Russian school boy that could chug an entire fifth of vodka, and that's why this video speaks to me. But all bolshevik aside, just watch it and you'll be impressed.
-SE
Overheard yesterday on Fraternity Row at San Diego State
Dude1: Dude, did you hear that a Kappa Kappa Gamma did a gnarly 35 second keg stand (please note pukka shell necklace) yesterday and it's all over Youtube? Got like 50 hits already.
Dude2: Fuck the Kappa Kappa Faggas, the Delta Iota Kappas rule this school. Dude get out the fucking tazer hazer and the digi. Where's the pledge? I'm looking for Ching Chang Chong. CHONG! Get me a PBR, backyard, now. We'll get a 1,000 hits by the end of the day.
(Find courtesy of Spreter)
TwatRock was on house-arrest this weekend and couldn't do any Donkey Hunting, but thanks to our friends at ClubItUp.com (by "friends" we mean oblivious web managers who update this goldmine from which we pillage), we can see what we missed!
Barry and Verushka
Barry has a tough job on Wall Street. He delivers UPS packages to the office buildings there each weekday. He can't remember everyone's names, so he calls all the guys "Chief" and all the ladies "Sweetheart." He likes to "let loose" and "go clubbing" on the weekends. Sometimes, when he's out with his boys, "...it just gets bananas."
He likes Verushka here okay, but she doesn't talk much and lives all the way in Yonkers. Their favorite thing to do together is to put both their hands on Verushka's belly and make it look like she is wearing a belt made out of a thousand porky fingers.
Breaking news: Oompa Loompas spotted at a Jersey Shore night club. When reached for comment, the Oompas had only one thing to say "How ya doan? We's from JOY Zee and we's here to get down with chall da fly honeys. Tomarra we'll take a cuppa cawfee anna bagel. Word."
